


Vague Recollection Theater

by MaatMons



Category: Homestuck, The Odyssey - Homer
Genre: Gen, I'm Sorry, Not even a real story, terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8926813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaatMons/pseuds/MaatMons
Summary: John attempts to describe the Odyssey to Karkat.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, but this is in the form of a rough script for a comic. A comic seemed to suit the idea better than a story, but I can't draw.

**Narration (John):** Okay, so, the heroes have just won the war.

 **Picture:** Equius, dressed as a king, but missing his crown is sprawled out on the floor in defeat. Karkat stands over him, one foot squarely on Equius' back, and the crown raised triumphantly overhead.

 **Narration (Karkat):** Woah, woah! Back up.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Oh, right! They showed up at the city gates hidden in a wooden horse.

 **Picture:** Three trolls stand in a tight line. They have a wooden box, open on one side, upended over their heads. It covers them down to the waist. The front side of the box has a peice of wood nailed to it that is vaguely shaped like a horse's head and has crudely-drawn eyes and mouth. King Equius stands between the "horse" and his (slightly open) city gates. He has one eyebrow quirked quizzically.

 **Narration (Karkat):** Nevermind, skip forward.

\---

 **Narration (John):** On the way home, they try to steal some supplies.

 **Picture:** Karkat has his sickles out, one is pointed menacingly at nepita, who seems surprised, but no alarmed. Behind him stand Sollux and Red-Shirt, both trying to look intimidating. (Red-Shirt is a random troll who is wearing a security officer uniform from the original Star Trek.)

\---

 **Narration (John):** But that doesn't go well.

 **Picture:** Karkat, Sollux, and Red-Shirt, looking bruised and battered, limping along their way.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Then they meet some people happy to share their food.

 **Picture:** Gamzee, standing behind a counter, with his usual dazed expression. The sign overhead says "Bakery," and shelf upon shelf of sopor pie can be seen in the background.

\---

 **Narration (John):** But the food is drugs.

 **Picture:** Karkat, Sollux, and Red-Shirt, each eating a forkful of Gamzee's sopor pie with an oblivious expression.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Then they meet a cyclops.

 **Picture:** Karkat is curled up in a gutter, fast asleep. Sollux, meanwhile, is sprawled across a nearby bench. For some reason, Red-Shirt is upside-down in a garbage can. Vriska is walking past, and looks over at the three with an expression of surprise.

 **Sound (Karkat):** ZZZ

 **Sound (Sollux):** ZZZ

 **Sound (Red-Shirt):** ZZZ

\---

 **Narration (John):** But just when it looks like they're about to be eaten…

 **Picture:** Sollux and Red-Shirt still sleep soundly, but they've been relocated to a cave floor. Karkat has awoken, and stares up a the silhouette of spidermom in abject horror.

\---

 **Narration (John):** The leader comes up with a plan

 **Picture:** A terrified Karkat violently shakes Sollux, trying to wake him up.

\---

 **Narration (John):** They sneak out by hiding under sheep.

 **Picture:** Karkat, Sollux, and Red-Shirt, each clinging to a sheep from beneath. This is not at all stealthy.

 **Narration (Karkat):** How could that possibly work?

\---

 **Narration (John):** The monster was blind.

 **Picture:** Spidermom, wearing eight eyepatches, and clutching one of those blind-person sticks in her two front legs. In the background, several sheep are wandering off. Three of them have trolls clinging to the bottom.

 **Narration (Karkat):** This doesn't sound like a very fierce monster.

\---

 **Narration (John):** So with the evil cyclops defeated…

 **Picture:** Vriska sipping coffee on her balcony. In the background, her pirate ship can be seen anchored in the bay.

\---

 **Narration (John):** The heroes sail away.

 **Picture:** Vriska doing a spit-take as her pirate ship sails away.

\---

 **Narration (John):** They meet a king with the power to control the wind.

 **Picture:** John, dressed as a king stands on shore. He waves at three trolls on a boat as they approach.

\---

 **Narration (John):** And he uses his powers to whisk them back home.

 **Picture:** King John on the shore, conjuring a massive gust of wind, which propels the ship at terrifying speed.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Except that doesn't go well.

 **Picture:** The ship has crashed into offshore rocks so hard that the stern has lifted out of the water. Three figures are being flung out of it. King John looks surprised.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Then they run into monsters that want to drink their blood.

 **Picture:** Kanaya sits behind a booth, her hands clasped together and resting on the table in front of her. A Sign reads "$ for BLOOD" (with "for" written sideways). Karkat, Sollux, and Red-Shirt approach, looking interested.

\---

 **Narration (John):** But they narrowly escape.

 **Picture:** Karkat, Sollux, and Red-Shirt are walking away from Kanaya's blood booth with twin bandaids on their necks. Each one holds a cookie and a cup of orange juice. Sollux sniffles. Rose can be seen in the background, carrying a picnic basket in the direction of Kanaya's booth.

 **Sound (Sollux):** "Sniffle"

\---

 **Narration (John):** Only to run afoul of a witch…

 **Picture:** Sollux sneezes, and simultaneously shoots an uncontrolled blast of psionic energy from his eyes. Rose is caught in the blast.

 **Sound (Sollux):** "Achoo!"

\---

 **Narration (John):** Who turns some of them into pigs.

 **Picture:** A singed Rose. Mystic energy trails between her finger tips and a pig who is wearing Sollux's glasses. Karkat and Red-Shirt look at this scene with alarm.

\---

 **Narration (John):** But the leader forces her to turn them back.

 **Picture:** Karkat on his knees begging Rose. Kanaya stands behind Rose looking cross. Rose (still singed) has a put-upon expression on her face.

 **Sound (Rose):** "Sigh"

\---

 **Narration (John):** And the witch even tells them how to get home.

 **Picture:** Rose, looking exasperated, one hand to her forehead, points in a direction. Karkat and Sollux walk off that way.

\---

 **Narration (John):** They make contact with their dead companion, as she instructed.

 **Picture:** On a porch, Aradia sits next to the ghost of Red-Shirt on one of those swinging benches.

 **Narration (Karkat):** I think you skipped the part where he died.

\---

 **Narration (John):** No, this is the first they noticed.

 **Picture:** Karkat and Sollux look over at an outline of where Red-Shirt isn't, next to them. There is a question mark inside the outline.

\---

 **Narration (John):** It turns out he got drunk and fell off the witch's roof when no one was looking.

 **Picture:** Red-Shirt impaled on the spiky top of a wrought-iron fence. A broken wine bottle is on the ground next to him. In the background, Rose looks on with her eyebrows raised in surprise.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Anyway, then they go past the sirens, but the witch had warned them to cover their ears, so they survived.

 **Picture:** Tavros is at a set of turntables, rapping into the microphone in front of him. Karkat and Sollux are running past. Their hands are over their ears, but they still grimace as if the music is causing them physical pain.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Then there's the six-headed monster.

 **Picture:** A giant, six-headed version of Becquerel chases after Karkat and Sollux. Jade holds his leashes, but she's just getting pulled along.

\---

 **Narration (John):** And a whirlpool

 **Picture:** A cliff with swirling water beneath it. Sollux hovers in the air over the water (using psionics), but Karkat has gone tumbling in.

\---

 **Narration (John):** The leader finds himself alone on an island…

 **Picture:** Karkat, on the beach, having recently washed up there.

\---

 **Narration (John):** Except for the other person there.

 **Picture:** Karkat, still in the same spot, but now we've zoomed out, and can also see Eridan, lying next to him in a pose he probably thinks is sexy.

\---

 **Narration (John):** He's tempted to be unfaithful to his love back home…

 **Picture:** Eridan, eyes closed and lips puckered, attempting to kiss Karkat. Karkat is physically pushing him away, looking disgusted.

\---

 **Narration (John):** But he resists.

 **Picture:** Karkat running from Eridan. Eridan in pursuit, holding a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers. Hearts float after Eridan.

\---

 **Narration (John):** And sets out on a raft.

 **Picture:** Karkat speeds off in a small motorboat. Eridan stands on the dock, slumped forward, looking dejected. He's dropped the flowers and chocolates by his feet.

\---

 **Narration (John):** He runs into royalty from a nearby kingdom.

 **Picture:** Feferi's huge yacht runs into Karkats little boat, shattering it. Karkat thrashes around in the water, and Feferi looks down at him from the railing, shocked and dismayed.

\---

 **Narration (John):** …Listens to a blind singer.

 **Picture:** On the deck of Feferi's ship, Terezi sings karaoke, with Karkat and Feferi as her audience. Terezi has struck a pose and seems really into it. Karkat and Feferi clap.

\---

 **Narration (John):** …And gets a ride home.

 **Picture:** Karkat stands on a dock, waiving at Feferi's ship as it departs.

\---

 **Narration (John):** His love has stayed true to him this whole time.

 **Picture:** Several women with hearts for eyes looking at Dave. Dave stands apart from them, with his arms crossed. His head is turned away, and slightly up.

\---

 **Narration (John):** He chases away the rival suitors.

 **Picture:** The women flee in panic. Karkat chases after them, waving his sickles wildly.

\---

 **Narration (John):** And they live happily ever after.

 **Picture:** Karkat has Dave scooped up in his arms like a bride. They fondly regard each other.

\---

 **Narration (Karkat):** Wait, so only the one guy ever made it home?

 **Picture:** A view of Sollux's communal hivestem, with Sollux walking toward the front door.

 **Narration (John):** Uh, yeah?

\---

 **Narration (Karkat):** That's a crappy ending.

 **Picture:** Biclops-Dad has scooped up Sollux, and is planting a kiss on his cheek with the nearest head. Sollux looks thoroughly embarrassed.


End file.
